She is wild and free and sometimes misunderstood like you and me.
The catalyst of INNATE BIRTH in my life.
The courage. The fire. The doesn't give a damn.
The obsessive attention to detail that builds mountains and forges ANYTHING she decides to.
A WHOLE hearted child, growing into a WHOLE hearted person.
Last week, Kaya brought me a hand written letter folded with 9 year old style & written with grandmother wisdom.
She ran off before I could read it in her presence.
One by one, I read her confessions.
Some, simple and innocent; others, little lies and deceptions
that were years old. Some, the adventures of a curious little human, others revealing the pains of discovering and enduring the reality that life sometimes IS.
A list with every lie she could recall ever telling, everything that felt heavy, everything that felt dirty, everything that felt NOT HER, she confessed with her own hand.
Every line, an anchor, dragging her spirit down.
Every word, a weapon, holding her hostage.
And. She. Was. Done.
With her own choice and WILL and desire to live WHOLEly, she drug her 9 year old shadows to the LIGHT & put them on the altar of 'this shit is no longer serving me'.
She turned 10 this Sunday. And she, on her own accord
decided she wasn't carrying that shit into her 10th year.
She said it just felt like all those things were between us and ON her and
she didnt want to go on feeling like that.
She finished the letter with 'I understand if you want to cancel my birthday party, I'm sorry,
Infinity Love, Kaya'.
We did not cancel.
The truth that is Kaya.
We parent unconventionally. We parent with the purpose of holding the space for these little people
to be WHOLEly who they are.
To do this, WE had to heal and grow into our own WHOLEness.
To do this, WE had to commit to give each other the ALLOWING to be exactly who we are; the ACCEPTANCE of who we discover ourselves to be and the APPRECIATION of who we have become.
And this shit was messy. Honesty is messy. But the truth comes with the most valuable reward of all... KNOWING AND LOVING WHO YOU TRULY ARE.
Kaya is not alone. She is just WILLING. There is a spirit that is withIN all of us, that just wants to be known and seen and expressed, FULLY. The bullshit we believe about ourselves and who we used to be IS WHAT STOPS US.
Seeds become trees. Labels become beliefs. Judgments about our past choices, become judgement about WHO WE ARE. Unless, we summon the COURAGE to let go of what we were and come FULLY
into who we were meant to be; into who we COULD be without those useless, old anchors and weapons.
We all fuck up. We all make regrettable, immature choices that sometimes change the course of our lives, and sometimes change the course of our weekend. We all experience pain and disappointment, rejection, injustice, betrayal, abandonment and humiliation.
We give it and receive it.
But we are not defined by the regret of the past. My lover Tommy tells me frequently, 'there is NO healing in the past'. We are here, NOW. And we made it to this NOW together. This NOW is made up of all the choices made by every single person you know and all the people you don't and will never meet. Without those choices, this NOW doesn't exist. Our NOW, IS the totality of ALL of those choices.
We have the CHOICE to integrate and heal,so we may heal and grow & LIVE in the LIGHT of who we truly are. And we don't have to do it alone.
We have the choice to grow into WHOLEhearted people that make Innately led choices, that have the power change the next NOW.
Fuck shame. And anyone that wants you to carry it. Most importantly, fuck the asshole inside of your head that just won't let it go.
Write your own letters, send them or don't. Burn them, flush them, bury them... but let that shit go. Don't carry it into one more day. You deserve to be wild and free. TAKE A STAND FOR YOUR FREEDOM.
You are worthy of LOVE. You deserve to be accepted for who you are, AS you are in this moment.
The LOVE and ACCEPTANCE you are seeking begins with an INside job. Begins with the painFULL work of reflection and stopping of your projection.
Kaya turned 10 in Sunday night, and she gave ME the gift. She gave me a beautyFULL letter, that gave me permission to be more of mySELF today. She led by example.
She was willing to give complete transparency and received the gift of GLOWING from the universe in return.
Years ago, Tommy laid his head on her chest and told her, 'I can hear your heart' and she whispered 'what does it say?'...
Kaya, it said your were born to shine, sister. And you are slaying it.